Eva's day off
by QUEEN EEVEE
Summary: Sparda must never ever agree to let Eva have the day off again. Shame he forgets.
1. Chapter 1

QE:Wrote this ages ago.

Evestar:Only recently found it.

E.S.P:Never trust little kids.

QE:We own nothing.

Cyndaquil:Not yet anyway.

* * *

After taking on and defeating the Prince of Darkness and Sealing the gates of hell. Not counting the amount Demon's defeated between then and now and bagging the girl, you would think there was nothing he could not do. That's what he thought until he gave Eva a day off from looking after Dante and Vergil. Big mistake. Mainly cause he wasn't allowed to let them get hurt. She would actually kill him. Eva was not the angel everyone sees her as; she is pretty lethal with a knife. She was also pretty the rest of the time.

"DADDDDDDDDDDDD." He looked down at one of his sons. He still could not tell them apart and they are four now. "Vergil says the monster under the bed wants to eat me." Dante.

Sparda blinked twice. "Why are you covered in flour?"

"We want cookies." Dante said matter of fact like.

"But it's ten o'clock." Sparda said slightly annoyed.

"We want COOKIES." Dante said smiling.

Sparda sighed. "Bed." Pointing towards their bedroom.

"But the Monster wants to eat me." Dante cried. "I don't want to be eaten."

He grabbed Dante, careful not to get much flour over his favorite purple jacket and walked into the bathroom with the giggling bundle. He pointed at the sink. "Wash your face I'll get you clean clothes."

"OK." Dante smiled and jumped on the toilet lid to reach properly.

He walked into his son's room to see Vergil crashed out under his covers on the bed nearest to the window. "That was mean."

The bundle sighed and rolled over.

He grabbed a set of clothes and walked out again. He was not in the mood to argue or move Vergil. Dante would just have to do it himself. Sparda walked into the bathroom and blinked. In less than five minutes not only had Dante soaked the entire room but released fruit smelling liquids out of their bottles most of them up the wall. Dante was still covered in flour.

"I am not going to ask." He stated grabbing a cloth and wiping his youngest son's face.

"Ask what?" He said all so innocently.

Deciding it was safer he made Dante get changed with him still in the room. No telling what he would get up to and carried him into his room and plonk him on Vergil's bed. "Sleep."

"But the monster."

"There is no monster under your bed. I would have already got him." Sparda said matter of fact.

"That's because it's under Vergil's bed."

He sighed and checked under the bed. Nope. Nothing.

"Right. There is no monster under the bed. Now go to sleep while I clean up the mess in the kitchen and bathroom." He stated and walked out the room.

"Dad."

"What?" Sparda growled.

"Can you leave the door open please and the hallway light on?" Dante asked quietly.

"Yes."

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Two hours cleaning up after Dante, Sparda finally sat down in the living room. Eva was sat in his chair reading a book. He was too tired to argue so sat in the other one.

"Hi." Eva smiled looking up from the book. "And how was your day?"

Sparda growled under his breath he was just too tired.

"You do know Dante will be up again in less than five minutes. Vergil will try and kill him a minute later." She smiled returning to her book.

"Dad." Dante called from behind the living room door.

Sparda glared at the door. He couldn't help himself.

Eva stood up. "Dante go grab a sword and meet me in your bed room." She smiled sweetly at her husband. "See you in a minute." She walked off after their son.

He tried to get his head around how a Human, Eva, could have full control over two half demon, Dante and Vergil, where he, a demon, failed. Deciding he was just too tired to care anymore he drifted off to the sounds of Vergil screaming at his brother and something along the lines "It's the Demon hit it."

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Something poked him. Growled in frustration and poked again. He groggily opened his eyes to see one of his son's; He had no idea which, sitting on his stomach.

"Mother said breakfast is ready." Vergil. He noted.

"OK. I'm up." He said waving his hand. He watched as Vergil got off the chair and walked into the kitchen.

He followed pursuit looking at the clock above the mantelpiece. It was two o'clock in the afternoon. He shook his head and walked into the kitchen.

Both boys were quiet. Which he failed to do. Dante was happily icing the gingerbread men were as Vergil was reading the recipe book. Yesterday they were fighting viscously and there was still a huge dent in the cupboard where Dante had kicked Vergil in an attempt to get away. They did not stop until he had to physically pin them to the floor.

"Here you go." Eva pushed a bowl of cereal in front of him.

He smiled and watched the kids. Unable to believe that they were the same kids he had yesterday. Maybe Eva swapped them to punish him for something he could not remember.

"Dante!" Vergil screamed. Icing dripped off his face. Yep it was them.

Eva quickly stood between them. Sparda was slightly shocked. They could seriously hurt her. "Dante do you want icing on your face?"

"No." Dante hung his head. "But Vergil wouldn't give me the chocolate drops."

She turned to Vergil. "They are next to the moron."

"Oh yeah." Dante smiled before turning to his weird decoration.

"Why didn't you tell him?" She asked hands on her hips.

"Because he's a moron."

"No gingerbread men for you then." She said before turning to the pots on the hob.

"But...but." Vergil cried.

"Here you go." Dante grinned, handing Vergil a pinkie red mess, with a strawberry on.

Vergil took it carefully and looked it over before giving Dante a smile. "Thank you."

Dante's smile got slightly bigger before returning to creating a mess.

"Pizza's done guys." Eva smiled. Receiving a shudder from Vergil and himself. She carefully placed two pizzas out on the side and retrieved a third from the fridge. The third one has strawberry sundae ice cream toppings. Vergil must have done that one. Dante preferred chocolate. He only ate the ice cream so he could be like his older brother.

"So what was the demon from last night?" He asked groggily.

Eva gave him a slightly confused but cute look before realising he'd been a sleep all day. "I'll get him."

Sparda gave a confused look then hit the ceiling as a small fuzzy thing was placed in his face.

"His name's Monster." Dante said matter of fact. Vergil just glared at it.

Monster was a fluffy black rat.

"Why is it still here?" Sparda asked challenging his other half.

"So Dante will stop being scared of rats." She smiled.

Both ignore Dante as he fetched a small plate for Monster and placed a gingerbread mouse on it. "Here you go Monster." Dante smiled picking him up from his mother's hands and placing him at the table.

"You might get some sleep tonight honey." Eva smiled and ruffled Dante's hair. "And you might sleep all night." She shot a smile at Vergil, who by all rights was still glaring at Monster. "And don't worry I took him to the animal doctor and had him checked over." Eva had a way of calming her entire family's fears.

"Pizza time." She smiled walking over to dish them out.

Sparda happily carried on eating his cereal until Vergil dropped a bomb shell.

"You do know you said you'll take us to the zoo tomorrow."

Eva smiled. She wasn't going.

* * *

QE:Ah childhood memories.

Evestar:Yup.

E.S.P:You see that review button you know you want to be really nice and say hi.

QE:Or give advice.


	2. Chapter 2

QE:Its up. The second chapter.

Evestar:We still own nothing not even a plushie Loin.

E.S.P:Enjoy.

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Sleeping quite contently was not the words Sparda would have used first thing in the morning to describe both his son's. Mainly because Vergil had Dante's head down the toilet. Not wanting to start an argument he just went into the kitchen where Eva was preparing everybody's lunch. She had only been up for half an hour and had accomplished more than he had in two hours.

She had to abandon them today to do a job. So he would be worrying about her while both his son's terrorizes the zoo.

"You sure you have to go?" He asked hopefully. Knowing full well she cannot abandon a job.

She knowing full well he had the answer to that question just smiled and carried on doing the lunches. "You may need to write this down." She smiled looking up at him.

"You love just torturing me." He growled.

She grinned. "Oh yes. Even a great demon cannot escape me." She giggled. "OK. Dante's bag is the green one. He has ham sandwiches, two packets of crisps and two pieces of fruit. There is also a change of clothes. Vergil is the purple bag with cheese sandwiches and a Tupperware box of salad and plastic cutlery. DON'T Let Dante touch the cutlery. We want Vergil to keep his eyes. The black bag is yours." She cocked her head "Where did I lose you?"

"Somewhere about a green bag." He laughed nervously.

"You will be fine. The bags have they name's on." She said smoothly. "Just do not scare the humans or the animals."

"Would I?"

"You went demon eight times two days ago whether you realized or not." She said shaking her head. "Vergil! Touch your brother again and lose your books. Dante touch your brother and he can hit you."

"BUT MUM/MOTHER." The twins cried out. "HE STARTED IT."

"Yeah and I'm finishing it." She said matching demon's viciousness. Sparda was proud of her for some unbeknown reason. "I want you two to behave. You do not get out enough and if you two mess this up you can't leave this house until I'm sure you can hide in a crowd." She smiled messing both boys hair.

Sparda frowned. Where did Vergil get that toilet plunger from?

"Ok." They both said and Dante hugged her and Vergil bowed.

"Go get dressed. Wear something different so your dad can tell you apart." She said before pushing Dante away. "You too. You need to look normal at least." He noticed she had slight anticipation in her voice.

"We will be fine." He smiled lightly hugging her. "What's the worst that can happen?"

She looked at him scared. "Just don't do anything stupid."

"Would I ever." He allowed emotion to seep through his voice in attempt to calm her.

"They bring out the worst in you." She hugged his tighter. She pulled back; the sudden change in personality always startled him. "Have fun."

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Dante jumped up and down. "I wanna see the Tiggers."

Vergil scoffed. "You would."

Sparda glared at his two sons. Not only had they attempted to release the baboons, Vergil get Dante locked up in a cage while the zoo keepers were cleaning and successfully destroyed a bench. He looked at the time. They had only been here an hour.

"But, but Tigger's are awesome. They bounce." And to prove his point he bounced.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked Vergil. Completely ignoring Dante jumping around and setting the parrots off.

"Reptile house." Vergil glared at his brother and rolled his eyes.

"Come on." He said walking off. Vergil followed. Dante failed to notices that they left him; the pretty parrots had taken his attention.

He looked around to show off his new find. "Vergil? Daddy?" He shrugged and skipped off in the wrong direction.

Above his three Hell prides watched intently expecting Sparda to return. When they thought it was safe they followed staying out of sight of the humans. They prey remained oblivious of their existence.

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Vergil watched as his Father headbanged his head repeatedly against the wall. "That's not going to bring Dante back." He pointed out, eyeing the dent suspiciously.

"I know." Sparda sighed and closed his eyes. How could he of let Dante out of his sight? Dante was an idiot at the best of times and easily distracted. How could not have checked whether Dante was following or not?

"You do know he would head for the Tigers." Vergil pointed out. "He honestly believes that they are Tiggers."

"What is a Tigger?"

"A fictional character." Vergil said uncaringly.

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Dante skipped and looked at the yellow big cats. It reminded him of mum's Fluffykins, except Fluffykins was stuffed. They were pacing.

"Hello what's your name?" He asked as a Lioness walked by. It grunted. "Mine's Dante."

The lioness sat down and yawned.

"Do you know where the Tiggers are?" He asked.

She blinked at him. Then lay down.

"That way?" He asked pointing towards the house with snake patterns.

The Lioness bared her fangs and growled.

"Ok." He smiled and bowed. "Thank you." He skipped away from the reptile house. Lucky the scythe missed him and imbedded itself in the glass, cracking it.

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Vergil looked uninterestedly in at the monkeys getting very cuddly with each other and also uninterested in his Father frantically looking for his younger twin. Something moved above the Loin enclosure. He turned to look at his Father not paying attention and then tugged at his coat. "What's that?"

Sparda looked. "Hell Pride."

They locked eyes and it legged it.

"Stay close behind." He shouted while running forwards reaching into his bag.

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Dante looked at the chained gate. Something in his young mind told him he couldn't go forwards. He placed his hands across the chain link fence and walked along it. Hoping he would find the Tiggers. There was a guy in ranger uniform up ahead. Watching him carefully. Too carefully. Dante gulped and backed off. His eyes never left Dante. Instinct took over and Dante turned and sprinted away. Footsteps following told him everything he needed to know. He ducked and rolled under a car. It shook as a dead weight crashed into it. He listened as it clawed at the metal trying to tear it apart. Dante looked around for an escape route. What would he do if Vergil was trying to kill him? Again. There was another car another foot away to his left. He listened as it jumped on the car as it tried to roll it. Timing it so when it jumped he rolled.

He sucked his breathe in, a scythe got stuck in the car millimetres above him stomach. The thing frantically tried to pull it out. He tried moving across the ground with rocks poking in his back. He held his breathe in attempt not to be heard. It hissed in frustration and yanked harder at the scythe. Taking his chance Dante rolled and ran towards the open ranges house and slammed the door shut. It crashed into the door trying to drag it open. Struggling Dante turned the lock and stood back from the door. It lowered its hollow face and hissed at him.

"Go fuck yourself." Dante smirked and looked around for anything he could use. There was a kettle, knife and tonnes of paper. "That's very helpful." He shrugged off his bag and stared tearing through it. Their mom was always prepared.

He looked up to see the door bending in a little.

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Vergil watched as his Father growled something under his breath. Vergil looked around and saw a scythe sticking out of a car. He edged left a little bit to see one of the prides trying to knock down the door. "It's over there."

His Father nodded holding a katana lower down and walked towards it. He jumping back in surprised as it fell backwards and scooted away. Standing in front of it was a grinning Dante holding a letter opener. "Hi Daddy!" Dante yelled.

Sparda sighed before making short work of the demon. He noted to himself that next time he's dragging Eva, kicking and screaming or not.

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"I wanna see a tigger." Dante cried from over his' Dad's shoulder.

"No." Sparda said sternly.

That was when Dante started to have a tantrum.

Sparda flinched. The noise was unbearable. He would rather face the prince of darkness than Dante screaming. At least at home Eva could calm Dante down, but until then he had to carry a crying Dante over his shoulder. Vergil just looked at his brother in disgust.

When they finally got onto the house, Dante kicked his Dad and stormed off. Vergil just shrugged off his coat and walked calmly into the kitchen. Sparda just stood there fist clenched trying to keep hold of his human form. Growling menacingly under his voice.

"Take it you had a good day." Eva smiled kindly before hugging his demon form.

He just glared and attempted to keep his voice level. "I may end up killing Dante."

Eva sighed. "I'll go find him then." She shot him a look of 'do you have to?' not waiting for an answer she walked off looking for her youngest. Sparda followed.

She knew exactly where he would be and headed straight for her and Sparda's room. While her 'Husband' stood by the door she opened the cupboard. Moved her huge teddy lioness and looked at the sobbing wreck. She moved to sit by him and hugged him lightly. "What's wrong?" She said soothingly brushing his hair.

"Daddy hates me." He sobbed quietly.

She picked up her son and hugged him tightly against her. "No he doesn't. If he did he would not have bothered to look after you."

Dante hiccupped. "He only loves you and Vergil."

Eva grabbed the lioness ear and put on a stupid voice. "What makes you think that?"

"Because if Vergil is mean to me he walks off but if I do something he stops us." Dante sobbed. "He only gets mad at me and after they found me he just glared and we came home, he didn't even say anything about me taking on the Hell Pride."

Eva glared at the demon trying to hide in the shadows.

"I'm sure that's not true." The 'Lioness' said nuzzling Dante.

Dante hugged the lioness and cried.

Eva managed to shift from under him and headed straight for the demon trying to escape. "SPARDA I ASKED YOU ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY."

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Vergil walked into his parent's room and walked over and poked his sleeping brother.

"What?" Dante asked lifting his head.

"You know when I said Father could never die." Dante nodded. "Well I was wrong. Mother just killed him."

"Why?"

Vergil shrugged. "Do you want ice cream?"

"Ok."

Vergil raised an eyebrow at his brother. "How did you get that knife in its socket?"

Dante shrugged.

* * *

QE:Done.

E.S.P: :)

Cyndaquil:The review button is still there and it's feeling lonely.

QE:*Blinks*


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